Globophobia
Fear of Balloons
Globophobia, the crippling fear of balloons, afflicts untold dozens (probably) worldwide, turning birthday parties into existential nightmares and county fairs into gauntlets of rubbery terror. Imagine, if you will, the sheer horror: the vibrant, yet menacing, orbs bobbing innocently in the breeze, each a ticking time bomb of potential squeaks, pops, and the dreaded static cling. For the globophobic individual, the very sight of these inflated monstrosities can trigger a cascade of symptoms, from mild unease (an uncontrollable urge to hide behind the potted plant) to full-blown panic attacks (complete with hyperventilation and an overwhelming desire to flee the premises, possibly screaming). 1 It's a condition that makes children's clowns seem like hardened SAS operatives, and helium a weapon of mass psychological distress. While the medical community may not officially recognize globophobia as a distinct diagnostic entity (yet!), for those who suffer from it, the fear is very, very real (or at least, very, very funny to observe from a safe distance).